The day before the big sleep consult, I wrote about 500 words--in addition to the month sleep log and roughly 20 page questionnaire--in which I outlined the various stages of Tiny Boy sleep and stressed how much stress his sleeplessness has caused. I don't remember being particularly sleep deprived when I wrote it, but indeed the night before the consult was bad. He woke pretty much every hour.
Naturally I cried during the meeting. And I found myself thinking how much of his childhood I've lost or at least not treasured because I was so tired I couldn't see straight (and no I'm not being metaphorical; when I've lost enough sleep I literally don't see right!). The moments I've left him and LG in front of a DVD on a Saturday afternoon while I desperately try to nap.
It is so easy for someone who isn't living it to dole out advice. Whether it's the Laura Vanderkam approach of "I can be tired and lay on the couch or I can be tired enjoying my children at the beach" (this isn't an actual example, but the general sentiment) or the pediatrician who says "fight the battle!"
This isn't to say the past 3.5 years have all been miserable. They haven't. Big picture: my life is absolutely fantastic. But the rhetoric of "all mothers are sleep deprived" doesn't really do much to distinguish between the "normal" sleep deprivation of having a new baby and the situation that women like me find themselves in.
And yet I find myself on day 5 of good sleep, thanks to a combo of Lunesta and Tiny Boy having a good few days (no, no repeat of the 8-6 without a peep, but still better). And that's enough to make me think that some day this will all be a hazy memory of mothering little kids.
Naturally I cried during the meeting. And I found myself thinking how much of his childhood I've lost or at least not treasured because I was so tired I couldn't see straight (and no I'm not being metaphorical; when I've lost enough sleep I literally don't see right!). The moments I've left him and LG in front of a DVD on a Saturday afternoon while I desperately try to nap.
It is so easy for someone who isn't living it to dole out advice. Whether it's the Laura Vanderkam approach of "I can be tired and lay on the couch or I can be tired enjoying my children at the beach" (this isn't an actual example, but the general sentiment) or the pediatrician who says "fight the battle!"
This isn't to say the past 3.5 years have all been miserable. They haven't. Big picture: my life is absolutely fantastic. But the rhetoric of "all mothers are sleep deprived" doesn't really do much to distinguish between the "normal" sleep deprivation of having a new baby and the situation that women like me find themselves in.
And yet I find myself on day 5 of good sleep, thanks to a combo of Lunesta and Tiny Boy having a good few days (no, no repeat of the 8-6 without a peep, but still better). And that's enough to make me think that some day this will all be a hazy memory of mothering little kids.
2 comments:
sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. So when you talk about how hard this is (which is really not a lot), I'm always under the impression that it's merely a quick flash of a incredibly difficult situation. I really hope you and TB can find really awesome sleep very soon.
I hear ya! I was totally prepared for being sleep deprived the first 6 mos, but at 24 mos not so much :-(
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